A year and a two weeks and some three-ish days from the last post. (written 8/14)

It's been that kind of year (and two weeks, and some three-ish days, but, honestly, recently, things have been a hell of a lot more wonderful than they could be, so, there's that)...and it keeps becoming a larger and larger avalanche of sucking and shit (granted, I'm not in, say, Haiti or Chechnya or Somalia or a number of other places or Detroit, and granted I have it a lot easier than probably 95% of the world because I'm white, American, male, and tall. Still, things can turn into a shitstorm, and, in fact, have. Several shitstorms, a front of shitstorms, a gust front of fuckery and fell doings (not by me, but, well, pretty much, towards me, by the cabal that is apparently trying to through wrenches into the admittedly rather naive plans I'd sketched out for the next few years. It isn't a conspiracy, it's just the roaring, fast train of reality and I picking flowers that grow in the slag and rock between each of the railroad ties, assuming that noise is the wind or something, nothing to worry about.....
and then I'm flattened and splattered all over the landscape. Because it's really my own fault, and I shouldn't be writing this, I should be doing things that will help me get better instead of bitching instead of burning through two years of my thesis and then, fuckall, finding out that I ran out of time to submit it...three months after it was apparently due (I swear, I thought I had five years from the start of the program...and I was close to finishing it when I got that letter (Thursday last), and since then I've just been in a sort of constantly compounding shellshock about managing to fuck up getting an MA in a ridiculously easy program with very accommodating professors, I mean, it looks like I must have tried really hard to fuck up this fantastically, or, not tried at all, been too afraid of failure that I just shut the possibility of doing something that might then fail out of my mind and lived day to day to day, sometimes in almost total seclusion from the world, sometimes not, ending up with an apartment full of books, somehow, (me, that's how), and a lover I'd driven insane with those books, because of the piles and simple fucking obstacles they left for us (just moving around the apartment, moving-moving made my bibliomania (book-hoarding, OCD related to books, whatever) even more apparent...and yet, I'm self sabotaging, I'm undermining my brain by not sleeping, ever, really, at night, and by eating just the bare minimum of calories to keep me running and shit like that. It's damned unhealthy and damned near insane.
(Added to, 6/10/2016)
So, lots of shit has happened since I started writing this post two years ago. It's just sat as a draft waiting and gathering electronic dust.
First off:
I'm sans gallbladder.
Not the source of all my health problems by a long shot, but...it has made stuff slightly less unpleasant, regarding dietary aggravations, pain, etc.
Plus, now that I'm on my Comrade-Lover's insurance...I can get my prostate fixed, which is good...
though the more I look into it with an actual doctor, the more it looks like I was right and that there is actually no real way of fixing it because it is a brain-gut axis problem just like...everything else going wrong with me is. I'm sure LSD would fix all my troubles brainwise, but since I don't know any good chemists making reliable safe batches, I'm shit out of luck on that front.
Since August of 2014, I burned out of grad school, which...is my own fault because I shouldn't have been there to begin with, but...live, learn, and get massively in debt for no reason at all in the end, is the lesson there.
It's terrifying to think that I'm almost thirty and unemployed, even as I look for work of any sort, even the non-paying volunteer kind just to keep me occupied and not insane. Not as insane.

Books to Go

Due to reasons that have mostly to do with my bibliomania (now treating, in therapy and everything), I have a LOT of books. More than I need. Want some books? Say, a media-rate shipping box of them sent anywhere in the US? Free (cash donations/exchange accepted and welcomed)...
Let me know with a comment or a message or something and I'll do what I can to get you reading materials.
I have a few audiobooks, also.